J Bizzle

I wanted to write a blog expressing my appreciation for such a great buddy of mine. John Bryant has been such an amazing friend to grow with over the past few months. God has truly blessed me with his friendship. Him and I have given our lives over to the Lord and it has been awesome to walk down the road of amazement with a guy I can relate with.

We both deal with a lot of the same issues and at times we are both struggling with the very same thing. We both long for God to use us for His purpose and the journey has been a blast so far! In the early stages of my walk, John and I would go to church together. Some weeks we would even attend up to six services. This included Church of the Highlands, MountainTop, and the Basement (Matt Pitt: Holla at ya boy). I almost wish I could go back to the days where there was nothing in my life, except for whichever service we would go to that night. It was awesome to have the Lord work so quickly in my life and along side such a great friend.

John and I had such a powerful conversation the other day, where we decided to help each other out even more with the things we are dealing with. We are going to help each other by using accountability in our friendship. This way we both know what is going with each other to help one another. John told me the Pastor was talking about surrounding yourself with: mentors, people to grow with, and people you help grow. What a cool way to carry out God's will.

Guidance, accountability, discipleship.

I look forward to see how God uses this in our lives as this comes to fruition. Just to hear John tell me that he prays daily about me and my family means so much and there are truly no greater joys in life than this. I really am so thankful to have an awesome Christian friend like John.

Hollllllllaaaaa at a playaaa when you see him on the streeeetts.

be blessed,
your boy elbow

Everyman's Battle

I just started a new book this morning on my ride to Boulder. It is called, "Everyman's Battle." It deals with something we (men) have always struggled with.

Lust.

It is disgusting and feelings of regret quickly overflow my mind every time it comes about. I hate the feeling that I have scanned a woman with dirty eyes. Women are a treasure that God created to be cherished, loved, and respected. They have so much to offer to this world and they are nurturers of God's love. Looking over them with worldly eyes is so unfair for men and women.

I have been strongly convicted of this over the past few weeks and I am taking measures to correct this. But it is hard. I am asking the Lord to help me with this. Lust dates back to when I was younger and it is going to be a battle to overcome this. Yet, I want so badly to defeat this sin that affects me day in and day out. For a lot of my time on this earth I have used charm to take advantage of girls and it has come back to tear me apart. You reap what you sow.

Or as the rapper Common states, "I spent many years trying to be the heartthrob, I guess it's only right that I got my heart robbed."

I know God is going to lead me through this, but I have to fight to conquer this. The book I started this morning opened with the following verse:

"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." Ephesians 5:3

Lord help me.

be blessed,
your boy elbow

help

Yesterday I was struck with something so simple yet so powerful.
Ask God for help.
I do not know why this has not come to me before, maybe because of my stubbornness or my pride. It came to me as I was up the the other night talking with Jay, hearing about the things life has brought him through. My prayers that night seemed refreshing and I felt a sense of humility.

But the next day Satan made me feel inadequate and guilty for asking God for help and favor. Guilt and a lack of confidence washed over me, which began to bring me down. I hate days like that. It can be the smallest thing that can spiral your day down so quickly.

I was working at the hotel and I had given a lady directions to the Walgreens (5 blocks north). I had been somewhat busy and then my day began to slow down. As it began to slow down is when the feelings I described transpired. Literally 30 seconds after these thoughts rushed into my mind, here comes this lady I had sent to Walgreens. Yet, she had a Taco Bell bag in her hand, and she said, "I didn't make it all the way there." I thought in my mind you were so close, only a half block away. I thought, "you've gone so far, why did you give up?" That quickly struck me to the situation I am dealing with. I have made it so far, why would I want to give up. It seems to be getting harder some days, but I know that day will come.

Jay encouraged me to read to the story of Jeremiah. So that is what I will diving into for the next few weeks. Hopefully, God will speak to and through me.

be blessed,
your boy elbow

Spiritual Wisdom

Yesterday I met with my Pastor, Pastor Mike Ware. I met with him as I was seeking spiritual wisdom. I had never heard the term spiritual father until the last few weeks. God was holding back until I was ready to seek spiritual wisdom for my life. Because once I heard the term spiritual father, I heard it a number of times. Each time more profound than the previous.

So, I went to Pastor Mike to discuss with him about me joining the ministry. I shared with him the things that have transpired in my life and how God has put a calling on my heart. He shared with me his story and how he was called into the ministry. He was working on a prayer team at New Bethany church in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He felt that God had put a calling on his life to join the ministry, but he went on for three years before God told him when. He told me he was on a mission trip in India and he was on the beach praying to God when God told him it was time to step out and join the ministry. So, when Pastor Mike returned to Baton Rouge he went to Pastor Larry Stockstill to let him know he wanted to get on board with ministry. Pastor Stockstill told him that there was actually a pastoral position available. Pastor Stockstill went on to tell him that Pastor Mike's name came up over dinner with his wife as they were talking about the vacancy in their church. Pastor Mike asked him when were they talking about this. Pastor Stockstill said it was the previous Thursday night. Well Pastor Mike did the time calculation and it was the exact same time when God spoke to him on the beach in India (Friday morning).

Wow.

I shared with Pastor Ware about how God had revealed His purpose for me. He told me that people come in his office all the time feeling that God was calling them into the minstry, but few followed through with it. But he said he could certainly tell that God was calling me. I felt a great assurance that he could sense God was using me. I went on to tell him that I felt a calling back to Birmingham. He told me that I should go back to Birmingham and survey the land and see if it feels right. He said if I am going to move back, "I have to know that I know that I know." He was speaking patience over me. That scary word that keeps coming up in my life.

I asked Pastor Mike if he could contact Pastor Chris Hodges (Church of the Highlands, Birmingham, AL) and he told me that he was flying to Birmingham next week. He said he would certainly ask Pastor Hodges what was happening with the Dream Center that they were building. I felt this was such a blessing that he would do this for me.

I am now praying that God gives me clarity of when and where He wants to use me for His glory. Thank you Pastor Mike.

be blessed,
your boy elbow

God's Work

The last few weeks, I have been figuring out what God has in store for me. I feel a calling into the ministry, but I am not totally sure where the Lord wants me. However, I do know that I am supposed to commit my time to helping those who are unfortunately homeless. My heart truly goes out to them. Plus, the vision I had last week and how it manifested in my life through someone who was in need of a friend, was a bold confirmation.

So, I am trying to figure out where I am supposed to be. Something that has been on my heart for quite some time is the Dream Center that Church of the Highlands is building in downtown Birmingham. This will be a church/mission center for the homeless in Birmingham. I feel God leading me there. Yet, at the same time I just meet Andy (Casey's roomate) and his brother is one of the directors for the Jesus Saves mission center in Denver. I feel that Birmingham would be a better place for me to grow spiritually by surrounding myself with Godly people and my friends who will love and support me through anything (Thanks yall).

Denver is still home to the love of my life, Molly. I do not know what to do about this situation. We are supposed to get together soon and I hope she sees God living in me and the transformation that has taken place in my life. I got a chance to speak with Greg (Molly's brother) and he told me was glad that I was in Denver. I have so much love for the Giuffra family as they have been so loving and understanding through everything that has taken place over the last year.

These are the things that have been weighing on my heart. I am going to speak with Pastor Mike Ware on Thursday to get some spiritual advice over this matter. Also, I want to see how I should go about getting involved in the ministry.

Billy Hornsby spoke to our church on Sunday and he left us with a quote that spoke to many areas of my life. It also speaks to those who have failed and are looking to God to find a life of everlasting love.

"God's greatest successes is redeeming our greatest failures."

be blessed,
your boy elbow

vision

Yesterday was a powerful day for me spiritually. I have a 50 minute commute every day from Denver to Boulder. During this time, I try and read my devotion and have my morning prayer. It has become somewhat of a routine for me now. As I was praying yesterday a vision popped into my head and it was nothing more than a bible being placed into a grocery bag...who knows? I began trying to figure what this meant and nothing came to me. So, I went on with my day as the bus pulled into the depot in Boulder.

I had to be back in Denver to work my evening shift that afternoon. I went into work and it was fairly busy, made a few bucks. I stayed there until 10 o'clock and then got on the mall shuttle to go home. A man with a warm smile on the bus asked me what time it was. I told him it was 5 after 10. He then asked if I had a cell phone that he could use. I was a little reluctant to lend him my phone, as I could tell he was a man from the streets. Yet, I let him use as we got off and we sat down on a bench near my street. He said he needed to call, "his white friend Matt" and let him know he had just got out of jail. Matt did not answer but he thanked me for allowing him to use the phone. We then began talking and come to find out Roland Milton had 9 children. I could discern this man had a good heart, but trouble seemed to find his path.

He had just been released on Sunday, after spending two years in jail for theft and some sort of domestic violence. The Holy Spirit told me to buy this guy dinner and he happily accepted. There was no other place that I could think of other than Leela's. He ordered a cheeseburger and a coke. We conversed for nearly two hours at Leela's as he shared with me his life and the trials he had been through. Roland was raised in Houston and moved to Denver in 1984, but had always been in the "hood." He used my phone to call his 21 year old son Michael and I could quickly tell he was a great father. He repeated over and over on the phone "your dad loves you." This struck my heart as this man had been through hell and back, but still knew his family came first. He told me a lot of troubles began when he was younger and he grew tired of hearing his mother complain about eviction notices and so forth. So, he decided to something about it. In the "hood," you had to what you had to do in order to make money. I believe this man has done and seen some things that would terrify most of us. But I could tell his heart was good. While he was eating, I asked him was there anything I could do for him. He simply said, "be my friend."

We left Leela's and started to walk around. He shared with me how I need to love my parents and the ones closest to me through anything. Because these are the people that will always be there for you. And you should love the ones closest to you no matter what, because God has blessed you with them. This man had so much too give. I asked him one more time, was there anything I could do for him. He asked if I had some clothes that he could have. I felt the presence of God telling me it was okay to invite this man into my apartment to give him a change of clothes. So, I brought Roland up and handed him some jeans and a Gator tee. He was happy to receive anything. As he was changing I was flipping through a pocket sized Bible we have. A verse struck me. "I do not pray to be taken out of this world, but delivered from evil." This was exactly what Roland had been conveying to me. He did not want to do wrong, but knows he wants to change. I decided I would give him this Bible, since Hunter and I have a collection of them. He changed his clothes and I grabbed a bag for him to toss his old clothes into. I turned around to close the cabinet and when I turned back around I was dumbfounded by what I saw in Roland's hands. A Bible and a grocery bag. Just like my vision from the morning. I was shaking.

God is a powerful and amazing God.

be blessed,
your boy elbow

God's responsibility

Work is starting to bog me down. I am either in Boulder or at the hotel in Denver, some days both. It makes me enjoy the time I get to spend with Hunter and my friends. So, when I got off of work last night I went over to read my Bible, with an iced spiced chai at Leela's. Casey came over to meet me, he wanted to share with me about his ex-girlfriend reaching out to him, who he still loves with all his heart. I think it is so amazing how God brings us together as we seem to be going through very similar moments in our lives. We both could talk all night about the ones we love. We then just kicked it at our place last night and watched The Office. But it made me appreciate how much I enjoy just being around good friends. Even though I have not know Casey for very long, he is a great friend with a great heart.

My mom shared with me something yesterday that was rather profound; it is God's responsibility that we hear His calling and purpose for our lives.

WOW!

A verse I underlined in my Bible last night: Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

be blessed,
your boy elbow

fellowship

Last night was a typical night at Leela's. Yet, we always find ourselves in a great conversation, where we all tend to feed off of each other. Hunter's friend Taylor was visiting Denver for the evening and we had to take him to the spot (Leela's). We called Casey and then Chris and his friends showed up. It almost seems expected now that everyone will congregate there. We were just chillin and talking about the girls we love; comes up often. Chris, Casey, Adam, and I talked til about 12:30 and I can really feel God working when we are engaging in Godly conversations. It is awesome to have people you can discuss openly the things you have going on in your life. This is why I feel I need to surround myself with Godly folks, especially in my earlyhood of my Christian walk. This has been weighing on me more and more recently. As, I can pinpoint problems I have sometimes to the people and situations I surround myself in.

Growing...

be blessed,
your boy elbow